“A Successful Marriage Requires Falling in Love Many Times,
Always with the Same Person.”
Noted American journalist and author Mignon McLaughlin had said this, which in the present context seems quite interesting and applicable.
Marriage is a change of life’s orbit. Marriage is a path to understand other person,not to pressurize him/her to follow.
From the very stage, we come to this earth, we come under this orbit and our life takes turns as the orbit moves. Before marriage, we are under the influence of a single(Our own) orbit of life. We tend to live our way and enjoy doing so for years together. But when we get married, we share our orbit with someone else and vice versa. So naturally, some kind of interference is obvious when two different orbits try to influence each other.
Like the theory of “Interference of wave energy”. It can be a positive interference, where two waves interfere with other to give rise to super-imposed wave of much bigger wavelength. Or, it can turn out to be a negative one, where both the energies try to negate each other and the powerful one suppresses the other, losing out some of its own energy during the course.
Marriage is compared to a plane journey; it is exciting until you have made one. We love flying; however, as soon as some turbulence occurs, we tend to fear or even freak out. Though the intensity differs for everyone. Some people fear a lot, while some people try to stay calm and maintain their calm.
Have you ever wondered why? Why we behave differently under the same influence of fear?
Behavioural Research reveals that we all experience fear. Only the scale can vary person to person. If we are able to control or overpower the feeling, we come out a winner and feel better, else we get under its grip constantly and there is trouble.
Marriage is just similar to that. As we share each other’s orbit, it is obvious that come friction or difference will occur in any form. Due to our behavioural issues, sometimes small problems look very big and we keep on discussing, arguing or fighting over that. However, if we take a pause and care to learn the basic difference, or someone comes for our rescue and helps us understand the same, we get to know that argue over useless things.
This is where, the role of the Marriage Counsellors or a Psychotherapist is realised. A marriage Counsellor can suggest you how to handle those differences. Proper counselling can help you intelligently handle the situation and fine-tune with your better half with whom the differences are there. The role of such professionals or experts is to explain you what can be changed and what can be accepted, so that both of you can happily leave the negatives behind and enjoy life to the fullest with each other.
If you analyse, currently divorce cases are increasing in our society. However, the truth is that divorce is not the solution for a better life; it never guarantees for that.
Divorce is just a by-product of misunderstanding and an unhealthy relationship.
To understand why divorces occur, we need to understand the types of marriages happening in our society.
Types of Marriages:
1. Arrange Marriage
In arrange marriages, we judge or presume the behaviour and nature of the person in a very short time, precisely in one or two meetings. Sometimes the judgement become correct and sometime they are not. But our first impression impacts a lot of the rest of our life. This is where we the biggest mistake of our life. How can we become so sure about a person just in a moment?
Like we say, “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing”, we put our entire life and a pious relationship of a lifetime at stake.
2. Love Marriage
In this sort of marriage, we maintain a long relationship with a person. We get enough time to know or judge each other and then only we go for marriage. However, do we completely know each other while staying in a love relationship?
Apparently, No!
The main factors are:
a. We try to show artificial face to each other.
b. The situations and conditions change with time.
c. The orbit sharing issue is also there after the love relationship turns into marriage.
The gist is that – we work just under “Impulse” and not under “Intellect”.
In both the cases, we start focusing on the mistakes of the opposite sex. This creates a lot of misunderstanding and aggravates the situation further. We forget what is beautiful between both of us. We have never cared to accept each other.
There many reasons for these differences. If we try to consolidate, then the main reason for differences are:
1 Transparency
We don’t focus on transparency and always try to hide things. Therefore, result impacts the relationship badly.
2 Faith
For saying we are the “better half” of each other. But, practically we don’t act like one. We start boggling on each other and all mundane things like expectation of sex life, anxiety over the past life and current life etc.
3 Mistake
We are humans, so we make mistakes. But we do mistake, so are we humans. God is the only one, who does not do any mistake. The time we accept this fact, then we are on the path of improvement. Hesitation in acceptance creates indifference and we choose the wrong path again.
The marriage counsellor works around these differences and brings both the souls onto the same page. Then, the literal meaning of “Live Happily Ever After” comes into reality.